I am strong...AM I??

It feels like a river is running through my body. A river of nothing but emptiness, cold emptiness. Yesterday was a good day, yesterday was a productive day. A day of happiness, structure and pure confidence. Today I feel cold, depressed....alone.

I am okay though because I've had days like this before. I've had days like this; where all I want to do is eat, sleep, watch an episode of Jersey Shore....a day where all I want to do is pick up the phone and call him, my ex-boyfriend. The one who I can blame. The one I thought was the one...the one who LOVED me, the one who broke my heart.

Is it my pride? My ego? My insecurities that rap my mind in the swirls of depression and heartache? What is it? My lack of independence? My need to be loved? .....Maybe it's because I am human. I am a woman and take pride of what I love....what loved me. And I don't want to let go. I shouldn't have to, it's love.

But that's today. I can't let go today. I did yesterday....Of course I did yesterday. I was doing something I would have never done with him. Productive moving, eating right, feeling content of where I was and what I was doing. I wasn't alone, I didn't need him, want him, crave him. I was fine with the idea of never seeing him again. And that is how it should be......fine.

I shouldn't crave the voice of someone who stabbed my back....I shouldn't need the touch of someone who used my body...I shouldn't want the attention of such an ammeter. Someone who does love me, would never have dumped me on the sidelines.....to the side of my own destination, my own journey, my life.

I am strong though, I've done this before. I have moved on throughout my life. And to come to think of it....life DID go on....on to the point where I would have to move on from something else. This is just another step. How old am I...20? This is just another baby step.