Where Am I?

I don't know a lot. I'm only 20 years old, If I do know this much by 20, then I'm sure there's a whole world of unknown facts I haven't discovered yet. I'm patiently waiting. One thing I have learned is there is a lesson somewhere, in almost everything.

I've been looking at the "Grieving Cycles" I feel like I'm going through every stage at once. Is that possible? Am I not grieving or am I just going insane? I feel like I am. The past couple of days I have woken up to such messy emotions. I can't describe how cluttered I feel. I physically feel like my body is twisting. Maybe this is a good thing? Maybe I'm twisting into a new era of independency? I hope so.

I need something. I'm not sure what I need but I definitely need something fast. Xanax? A drink? Marijuana? A pack of cigarettes? A box of chocolates? My dog? Maybe my parents arms around me? Something, quick because I WANT to loose it. However I'm not because I have this small grip of sanity to hold me down.

We are often questioned by ourselves and from others "Where Am I"....In fact I've had to write an essay for multiple classes on this topic. The world is moving so many miles in so many seconds and our bodies are never still. How could we ever know where we are? Our mind is constantly making decision we instinctively are not aware of? How could we know? As young adults we struggle day to day on trying to figure out where we are....When are we going to be substantially content with not ever knowing? I think until we accept this, we wont be satisfied with ourselves...yet it's easier said than done.

Done.